Speak softly...

Teddy Roosevelt never said, "Speak softly and carry 'Cat in the Hat.'"

-Greg Gutfeld, Daily Gut

Mass Transit

Everyone wants their neighbors to take mass transit so the roads will be clear when they drive to work.

-Jack Nerad, editorial director of Kelley Blue Book, "Eco-friendly vehicles lack mass appeal"

No Place

No place for women and children!

-Coach O.

Judgement

You know, I rather like it that way: Let Republican candidates be judged on their ideas and character; and let Democratic candidates be judged on their skin color and genital equipment.

-Jay Nordlinger, The Corner

Private Keep

Bradbury learned long ago that amidst the joy, there is also evil in the world and in the hearts of men. In a letter, he once wrote that each one of us has "a private keep somewhere in the upper part of the head where, from time to time, of midnights, the beast can be heard raving. To control that, to the end of life, to stay contemplative, sane, good-humored, is our entire work, in the midst of cities that tempt us to inhumanity, and passions that threaten to drive through the skin with invisible spikes."

-James E. Person Jr., "Ray Bradbury at 90", NRO

Terrifying

In one of those weird ironies of nature, being surrounded by a bunch of soapy-sponge-wielding attractive University of Alabama female zoology students in wet t-shirts is an excellent plot device for a late night cinemax movie when the subject "victim" getting a bath is a sensitive-yet-jocular ski instructor, but it's terrifying if you're a brown pelican.

-Jonah Goldberg, post on The Corner

Progress

About the Declaration there is a finality that is exceedingly restful. It is often asserted that the world has made a great deal of progress since 1776, that we have had new thoughts and new experiences which have given us a great advance over the people of that day, and that we may therefore very well discard their conclusions for something more modern. But that reasoning can not be applied to this great charter. If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction can not lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers.

-Calvin Coolidge, Address at the Celebration of the 150th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, Philadelphia, Pa.

Misery Engines

Truth is, these losers offer no solutions – they’re just misery engines bent on destroying the achievements of others.

-Greg Gutfeld, Daily Gut

My Plan Sucked

My grandmother always said: 'God has a plan for all of us.' I should have went along with his, not mine, my plan sucked!

-Mickey Rourke

Uncoordinated Numskulls

I will not be denied the pragmatic, functional utility of anything based on the inept, clumsy, irresponsible failure of brain-dead, uncoordinated numskulls.

-Ted Nugent, "My Gun Control"

Beat Him

If you see a Bulgarian in the street, beat him. He will know why.

-Russian saying

Squirrel Time Machine

To be intellectually honest, I thought the bin Laden tape was good news for Bush, too. And, for now, that doesn't seem to have panned out. Of course, I didn't think that Rove set the whole thing up; nor do I think squirrels have constructed a time machine under my bed using Q-Tips and Mars bars.

-Jonah Goldberg

Sunshine & Lollipops

Liberalism is always one more tutorial away from sunshine and lollipops for everyone.

-Jonah Goldberg, Planned Summit Is Just an Infomercial in Disguise